trip to see where Joseph died

Tonight I asked our travel agent, who helped us plan the trip to Tanzania in June of 20o9, to help plan a trip to the hill where Joseph died. I feel that I have to go see the place where he fell, maybe it will help me understand how this disaster could have happened. Ray has been pretty adamant that he is not interested in the details. After a year of sleepless nights, I feel that I have to go.

Shakesperae had an amazing understanding of human emotions

CARDINAL PANDULPH
Lady, you utter madness, and not sorrow.

CONSTANCE
Thou art not holy to belie me so; I am not mad: this hair I tear is mine;My name is Constance; I was Geffrey's wife;

Young Arthur is my son, and he is lost:I am not mad: I would to heaven I were!For then, 'tis like I should forget myself: O, if I could, what grief should I forget! Preach some philosophy to make me mad, And thou shalt be canonized, cardinal; For being not mad but sensible of grief, My reasonable part produces reason How I may be deliver'd of these woes, And teaches me to kill or hang myself: If I were mad, I should forget my son, Or madly think a babe of clouts were he: I am not mad; too well, too well I feelThe different plague of each calamity.

KING PHILIP
Bind up those tresses. O, what love I note In the fair multitude of those her hairs! Where but by chance a silver drop hath fallen, Even to that drop ten thousand wiry friends Do glue themselves in sociable grief, Like true, inseparable, faithful loves, Sticking together in calamity.

CONSTANCE
To England, if you will.

KING PHILIP
Bind up your hairs.

CONSTANCE
Yes, that I will; and wherefore will I do it?I tore them from their bonds and cried aloud' O that these hands could so redeem my son, As they have given these hairs their liberty!' But now I envy at their liberty, And will again commit them to their bonds, Because my poor child is a prisoner. And, father cardinal, I have heard you say That we shall see and know our friends in heaven: If that be true, I shall see my boy again;
For since the birth of Cain, the first male child,To him that did but yesterday suspire, There was not such a gracious creature born. But now will canker-sorrow eat my bud And chase the native beauty from his cheek And he will look as hollow as a ghost, As dim and meagre as an ague's fit, And so he'll die; and, rising so again, When I shall meet him in the court of heavenI shall not know him: therefore never, neverMust I behold my pretty Arthur more.

CARDINAL PANDULPH
You hold too heinous a respect of grief.

CONSTANCE
He talks to me that never had a son.

KING PHILIP
You are as fond of grief as of your child.

CONSTANCE
Grief fills the room up of my absent child, Lies in his bed, walks up and down with me,Puts on his pretty looks, repeats his words,Remembers me of all his gracious parts,Stuffs out his vacant garments with his form;Then, have I reason to be fond of grief? Fare you well: had you such a loss as I, I could give better comfort than you do. I will not keep this form upon my head, When there is such disorder in my wit. O Lord! my boy, my Arthur, my fair son! My life, my joy, my food, my all the world! My widow-comfort, and my sorrows' cure

One of my friends, Dr. Frank Castellano sent me this poem by Englishman W.H. Auden

To James:

Stop all the clocks; cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone.
Silence the pianos and with a muffled drum,
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle, moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message:
He is dead
Put crepe bows round the white necks of public doves
Let the traffic policeman wear black cotten gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song:
I thought that love would last forever:
I was wrong.

And I still love you

A year ago tonight I was getting ready to go to San Diego for a business trip. Around 3 am we were woken up by a phone call from Joseph (it was about 11 am at Joe's time). Ray was in a panic when he heard Joe's voice, and then he said "Do you know what time it is here", and then Ray said "no, no now that you have woken us what's the problem"?

Joe was worried about unauthorized use of his bank account (which never happened) - the stupid little details we worry about as mere mortals.

I have woken up to the following James Taylor song the last few mornings - and I still love him:
***************************************************************************


Well the sun is surely sinking down, but the moon is slowly rising.
So this old world must still be spinning round and I still love you.

So close your eyes, you can close your eyes, it's all right.
I don't know no love songs and I can't sing the blues anymore.
But I can sing this song and you can sing this song when youre gone.

It won't be long before another day, we gonna have a good time.
And no one's gonna take that time away. You can stay as long as you like.

So close your eyes, you can close your eyes, it's all right.
I don't know no love songs and I can't sing the blues anymore.
But I can sing this song and you can sing this song when I'm gone

Yankee fan

Joseph loved baseball. He did not play much, only on the Edgemont Rec teams and in his dreams. From the time he was a young boy he wore his Yankee gear with pride. At Fordham, it was a requirement to be a Yankee fan. When the Yankees won the world series the school gave the boys a day off.

When he went to Amherst he really became involved in the math of baseball. Fantasy baseball and statistics were right up his alley to being a sports fan. He did not watch the game very much but he avidly followed the team, play by play, on the computer. He ran two fantasy baseball teams, and talked incessantly about players and stats with his Ray and Kyle. Baseball and swimming. His two sports.

Galapagos

We went to Ecuador to see Kyle who needs to speak Spanish in order to graduate. He is behind on his spoken languages because he took latin and ancient greek in high school. He took a year of Spanish his freshman year, but language got dropped his second year because of Joseph's death.

Immersion Spanish in Ecuador is a great option (if you can afford it). Kyle is definitely fluent in spanish now and he'll take another year of spanish at georgetown.

We flew down to Ecuador to see Kyle in his new environment, and then over to the Galapagos - definitely an experience.

While on the boat, two families asked me, on two different occasions whether we had other children? Who would ask a family if there are other children? Only people who are attuned enough to realize their is something wrong in the family grouping.

It was uncomfortable - how do you reply - do you have any other children? I reply, "Yes, but it is complicated"

Scarsdale Inquirer July 23, 2010