Wedding

Yesterday we went to the wedding of Julia and Adam. Adam was among Joe's best friends at Amherst. Adam grew up in Westchester and knew two of Joe's cousins in high school. He also swam in Westchester and actually been recruited to swim at Amherst; Joe was a walk on.

The first day of freshman orientation at Amherst Joseph and I were sitting in the local bank waiting to set up an account. Joe was 17 so he needed me to sign off on everything. We happened to sit down directly across from Adam, who looked up at us and said "Hey, you must be Joe Chow!" -and luckily for him it was Joe Chow. From then on Joe and Adam spent alot of time together, and I am sure did alot of talking together. Adam was a Physics major, Joe a chem major. They both swam and played water polo. Two of a kind.

Yesterday, we attended Adam's wedding to Julia. Last year when Adam and Julia became engaged, Joseph called us - he was so excited that one of his friends was actually taking the leap into adulthood! And, Adam had asked Joseph to be a Chupah bearer and Joe had no idea what that entailed! He was so honored to be asked to be in the wedding party. Also, Joseph had had a lot of time to think about relationships and love, and determined that Adam and Julia had a great relationship, and it was something that he should aspire to - if only he could figure out how to start on one! (he was always one to think of the mind over emotions).

Yesterday, Ray and I sat in Glen Island in Joe's place and I have to say it was possibly one of the hardest days of my life. It was a beautiful day, the wedding ceremony was beautiful, and the party following was wonderful. But to be there without my boy is nearly impossible, he should have been there,not us. All of his friends are doing well, and we spent some time talking with all of them. There is the uncertainty of being that age - but what they should take home from Joe is that life is short, enjoy the here and now, because plans do not always come to fruition.

Joseph Senior Year High School

I went out the other night with a bunch of moms who have children in their senior year of high school. Once the kids are into college, high school is done and the kids basically have a great six months. Daniel told me during his freshman year in college that he did not understand why everyone thought college was so great - in his last year of high school there was no responsibility, some interesting classes, and lots of time to hang out with your buddies - plus the the home cooking was excellent, and the laundry was done for you. What could be better?

After Joseph got into Amherst in December he pushed himself even harder at swimming. That spring he had to write a paper or do an internship after the AP's were over because there were no more classes for the month. I remember coming in to the kitchen one morning to get breakfast, and Joseph was hanging out getting ready for a late day at the Prep. He told me that he wanted to write his senior paper on the influence of politics during the Romantic era on the composers of the time. I just looked at him, sputtered out that that would be a great idea (it would certainly keep him busy for the next month) - and went to work. Some kids have big plans and ideas!

Joseph Fordham Graduation

This is graduation season. A year ago this weekend we were up at Middlebury for Daniel's graduation. Three years ago we were at Amherst for Joe's. Then there have been the high school graduations, the grammar school graduations, the nursery school graduations. I used to think that they were just days with little meaning. But now I look at the pictures, we were so full of pride, and so were the boys. So happy, and so forward looking. All their lives in front of them.

Joseph is going to Kenya

Kyle came home from school on Sunday. Tonight there are 20 kids are out on the patio with a bonfire, hanging out and talking (loudly!!) basically having a great time. The noise is nice. Kyle is leaving for Ecuador on Thursday for a Spanish immersion program.
The weekend before Joseph left for Africa he wrote an email with the heading "Joseph is going to Kenya", and invited his friends to come for a bbq and bonfire in the back yard. It was a nice night, like tonight.
Being a parent of around 20 year olds is hard.

Numbers 6:22-27

May the Lord bless you and keep you.
May the Lord shine his face upon you and favor you.
May the Lord lift up his face toward you and grant you peace.

Joseph Lawrence Chow Scholarship

Last night Kyle handed out the first Joseph Lawrence Chow Scholarship at an awards ceremony. Daniel was at the ceremony also, Ray and I could not attend. There were 11 applicants, all of them with amazing recommendations, grades and activities -it was a hard choice to select one for the scholarship. Great kids. This was the descripiton of Joseph that was sent with the scholarship.
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This scholarship is established to honor the life of Joseph Lawrence Hai-Sung Chow by helping students who share his values and passions. Joseph died at 23 in a sudden and tragic accident which cut short a life full of promise.

Joseph was a graduate of Fordham Prep and Amherst College. He planned to attend medical school when he returned home. He was in the final weeks of a two year tour with the Peace Corps of Tanzania where he was the only math and science teacher. The plan was for him to teach only Chemistry (he had no teacher training at all). When he got to his school there was no one to teach advanced math or physics and a demand for it, so he volunteered to teach those classes. too. He won an award from the Tanzanian Govenrment for the tremendous improvement in his schools performance in science.

Joseph was an accomplished musician, praciticing either classical piaon or organ for at least an hour a day. He swam competitively most of his life, as a varsity athlete all four years at Fordham Prep and at Amherst. He was a starter on the Amherst water polo team. He was not able to continue swimming competitively in Africa, so he took up running. He ran to Mt. Killamanjaro marathon, passing many other Peace Corps volunteers who had run for years. When Joseph decided to do something he gave it his whole heart and mind, whether it was something God had given him natural talent for, like the piano, or something he had to work at, like running. As one of his Amherst firends wrote: "... although he was never the fastest swimmer, he was far and away the most determined. He was a unifying force on the team and his dedication was a critical part of the team's success. Joe's enthusiasim was ubiquitous; he always gave 110% and drove everyone else to do the same."

According to his application to the Peace Corps his goals were to experience another cutlure and to make a difference. Within two years he had taught himself Swahili. He started an HIV/AIDS awareness club and ran fundraisers. When his family visited he proudly showed them around his village where he was greeted by his neighbors. Then he went with his brothers and climbed to the highest peak on the continent, Mt. Killamanjaro. The Peace Corps in their press release wrote that "Joseph not only adapted to his new surroundings, he flourished."

Jospeh's desire to serve was nurtured by his family, his schooling and his faith. All were fundamental to who he was. The overwhelming oupouring of affection and respect that followed Joseph's death was awe inspiring. And this scholarship is a concrete example of that outpourng since it is funded by donations "in lieu of flowers" that were made by more than 350 people. We hope that the recipeints will understand that this benefit results directly from who Joseph was and that they will stirve to be like him.

Classical Music

This week was exhausting, counseling, work dinner, ballet tickets and philharmonic. It is good to be busy, but that might have been too busy. We had already rearranged the philharmonic once, and were stuck with the revision.

When we were first married Ray and I kept Ruby's and Joe's seats at the NY Philharmonic - second row center. The best concert I have ever seen (of all genre's) was a performance of "Appalachian Spring" and at the end of the piece Aaron Copeland stood up from his seat in the wings of the hall and took a bow. The audience went crazy. Not quite a Grateful Dead moment (I did go to a concert of theirs in the Meadowlands)- but a great performance.

I only started going to the New York City ballet a couple of years ago - 2006. I go with a group of 8-12 other women, and it is a lot of fun. I thought that when Joe came home I would treat him to a ballet. I don't know if he would like the dance so much, but he would love the music. The music is always the best of classical pieces -piano pieces are very popular to dance to. For that reason, the two ballets that I have been to since Joe died have been hard. Especially the one on Thursday night. The first dance was to Bachs inventions, the second was to a Bach Baroque piece. Joe loved the Inventions, and played them incessantly. He chose the organ because he believed that Bach sounded so much better on the organ. It is hard to sit in the audience at a ballet weeping.