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Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas


A Christmas Hymn from the Sister's of Rosary Hill Christmas Eve Service


********************************************


Lo, how a Rose e'er blooming from tender stem hath sprung!

Of Jesse's lineage coming, as men of old have sung.

It came, a floweret bright, amid the cold of winter,

when half spent was the night.


Isaiah 'twas foretold it, the Rose I have in mind;

with Mary we behold it, the Virgin Mother kind.

To Show God's love aright, she bore to men a Savior,

when half spent was the night.


This Flower, whose fragrance tender with sweetness fills the air,

dispels with glorious splndor the darkness everywhere;

true Man, yet very God, vrom sin and death He saves us,

and lightens every load.


O Saviour, Child of Mary, who felt our human woe,

O Saviour, King of glory, who dost our weakness know'

bring us at length, we pray, to the bright courts of Heaven,

And to the endless day!

Sunday, December 19, 2010

The Unbroken Rashani Rae

There is a brokenness
Out of which comes the unbroken,
A shatteredness out of which blooms the unshatterable.
There is a sorrow
Beyond all grief which leads to joy
And a fragility
Out of which depth emerges strength.
There is a hollow space
Too vast for words
Through which we pass with each loss,
Out of whose darkness we are sanctified into being.
There is a cry deeper than all sound
Whose serrated edges cut the heart
As we break open
To the place inside which is unbreakable and whole.

Rashani Rae

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Thank You notes

We received these thank you notes from Tanzania in yesterday's post. Now we are watching a violent popular movie on tv, while I post these to the web. Life can be so disconcerting!

Please ignore the poor English, and try to understand the underlying message. Although the educational language for upper education in Tanzania is English, the students do not begin to learn English until they are in high school. Any student that is accepted to Ndanda Secondary School is among the top students in the country. The students are assigned randomly to Ndanda, they do not have the choice of what school to attend.

Many of the students are in the same situation as these scholarship recipients -smart enough, but no money. The scholarship we give them is $500/year, and that is enough for school fees, eats, uniforms, books and some extra cash.

Thank You Note continued

5.

Dear Joseph's Parents

How are you? What about your health/conditions with our family. I hope all is still well.
Apart from my side I feel well and I still with my studies as well as needed. So I am very happy to talk with them with short message and I know my background in short and totally my thanks.
My name is Hamsi am a student at Ndanda High School where our honorable fellow Joseph Lawrence Chow was become a teacher. Am a one who benefited with your massive support with child who want get basic need.
So I was born twenty years ago at _____________ in __________ district. I was started primary school in 1999 at _____________ and I finished in 2005. I was given chance to join in secondary school at _________________ where Mr. Joseph (rest in peace) friend Mr. Mathew was a teacher.

After finished O level education in 2009 I was got chance to still with studies at Ndanda High School. But even as chosen to still with studies,my parents they won't pay all schools fees/eats this due to bad standard life and poor economics which my family have. After getting donations from you I still well with studies and my parents greet you and they have very happy and they say Thanks alot for your donations which help still with subject.

Also give big up to sister Jen who help to connect us with you.

Thanks

Yours in Education,

Thank You Note Continued

4.

Dears

To the parenti of Joseph Chow and all family concerned Joseph Chow. What are the conditions and day to day economic activities. To my side its fine.

The purpose of letter most important thing is to grant my thanks for your support. Jiammani I thanks for helping me in education because this is important thing to me, but now everything is ok and I continue my studies. Seemed one I want to introduce my self for those who support me.

My name is Devis _________ and fathers name is ____ and mothers name is ____________ and my family are not in in __________. Therefore for side of mother I am single born, and side of father we are five in number. The father side of family situation we are suffering due to poverty and after aspect ????? the great one is poverty in education, primary education _____________ and secondary school called __________ . Now I am at Ndanda.
Sorry because I have a problem in English language. My concentration is HGK. It means History Geography and Kaswahili.

Thanks
Student,

Devis

Thank you note continued

3. Ramadhani

Dear Jospeh's parents

My name is Ramadhani __________. I'm a form five HKR student in this school of Ndanda. I do thank for your assistance because I am the one who benefited from your massive support.

First I want to say a something that I was born in 1990 in home village of ______________ in Mtawara region. When I was child I was taught how work and how to respect my self and even others this made me an efficient and creative one.

By the year 1999 I registered to join primary education at ___________ village then by 2005 I was selected to join with secondary education level at _____________ ward found hopeless due to massive and gigantic poverty that they have.
But I do thanks to them since they tried according to their level best to ensure that I got such education. It was normally to be exposed from the school due to lack of school fees, proper uniform and other requirements.
Therefore by the year 2010 my form four examinations were released where by I was selected to join with advanced level education, so if was during this point when my parents life became poorer and poorer. But they did not lose hope. I cooperated with my parents to struggle more effectively especially more myself since they are lacking enough ability doing work to ????? I worked in ferrys and traded to different villages searching for money which helped some success.

Therefore I do thanks on behalf of my parents they are congratulating and thanking you for your strong support supplied, they wish you good and longer life and God bless you. Also to my side are finishing by saying that Bod is together with you and will bless our heart Joseph Chow and I will follow his actions in order to become like him.

I thanks you alot we never forget you.

Yours faithful,

Ramadhani

Thank You note continued

2. Dear Joseph's Parents:

My name is Mohamed a form 6 HORK student at Ndanda High School. I came from _________in the ______ region in __________ village. I live with mother, brother and other relatives. I go my primary education at ________ primary school and secondary education at ________ secondary school in __________.

The aim of this letter is to give thanks to Mr. Joseph's parents for their help. For sure I real thank the family and may our Almighty God bless you. I also thank the school administration choosing me to be the helped student.

Indeed the late Joseph Chow paved the way to us as how to study and how to tackle different challenges in our daily life, may God bless him.

Yours faithfully,

Mohamed

Thank you notes from the Ndanda schloarship recipients

1. Mohamedi

Dear Sir/Madam

To the parents of Mr. Joseph. L. Chow. My name is Moamedi _____. I was born on the 25th May 1988 at ____________________ region. My tribe is ________ and I am fourth child from a family of five children, three sisters and a young brother. I am a first child on our family to get a secondary eductions followed by my younger brother who still now study form three at ____________.
I started ordinary level education in 2005 up to 2008 when I completed my ordinary level education at _______. Few months before completing O-level education on 22nd June, 2008 immeidately my father got disease and on 24th June died.
After the death of my father because he was government worker transferred from _______ to _________ for burial ceremony to take place, after burial ceremony I came back to continue with my studies but remember after death of my father there is no guardian who can care my life because my mother was living in ____________, while me I lived with my father alone in _____________. I got a lot of problems such as food, soap and other services concerning the school.

For such reason I felt to complete other school contributiosn because I did not have any source of income to purchase money for contributions. Only my father was responsible for paying school contributions. Few days after the burial ceremony my friends father decided to help me for living at his home unitl I completed my studies. I thank him for his helps because without him I would suffer much because no other can care for my life at that time.
After completing school October 2008 I returned back home____________ to live with my mother who was taking care to me after my father died. After form four results in Arpil 2009 I slected to join with Ndanda High School for Advanced Education for combination of PCM. Mr. Joseph L. Chow was my teacher for first term before his death he taught me Advanced Physics and Advanced Mathematics, he was agood teacher because no period left without teaching unless otherwise he got emergency.
For first term and second term when I reported at Ndanda High School for five I came with very little contributions I payed except mock-exam and result slip money which I get from my best friend given the money.

For this sponsorship of Jiamini through the Joseph L. Chow family I thank you very much because it helped me to complete all contributions and get books which before I did not have I pray to God to put the soul of Joseph L. Chow in paradise to eternal life (Amen).

Yours faithfully
Mohammedi

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Ndanda Secondary School Scholarship

Here is the statement that was used to inform the students about Joe. We gave five scholarships to Ndanda this year;

www.jiamini.org /images/jlcs_joes_bio.pdf

I will write about the kids that got the scholarship another time

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Warren Zevon - Keep Me In Your Heart

Keep Me in Your Heart for a while

Shadows are fallin and I'm running out of breath
Keep me in yourheart for awhile

If I leave you it doesn't mean I love you any less
Keep me in your heart for awhile

When you get up in the morning and you see that crazy sun
Keep me in your heart for awhile

Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la-li-li-lo
keep me in your heart for a while

Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la-li-li-lo
Keep me in your heart for awhile

Sometimes when you're doing simple things around the house
Maybe you'll think of me and smile

You know I'm tied to you like the buttons on your blouse
Keep me in your heart for a while

Hold me in your thoughts, take me to your dreams
Touch me as I fall into view
When the winter comes keep the fires lit
And I will be right next to you

Engine driver's headed north to Pleasant Stream
Keep me in you heart for a while

These wheels keep turning but they're running out of steam
Keep me in your heart for a while

Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la-li-li-lo
Keep me in your heart for a while

Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la-li-li-lo
Keep me in your heart for awhile

Keep me in your heart for awhile.

10/10/10 - Joseph's 25th birthday


The day Joseph was born was much like today. A beautiful fall day, blue sky, cool. He was born by c-section around 1 pm - some things a mother will never forget. The birth of a child is a memory that stays with you always.


Today, "Aunt" Sally and I ran (actually slow jogged), the Bronx River Parkway in the 1/2 marathon. We did it in less than three hours. Joseph would have laughed at us, but in his own way been very proud of us. It was difficult, but a good thing to do on this most difficult of days.
















Thursday, September 23, 2010

Westchester 1/2 Marathon - 10/10/10

Joseph was not considered athletic when he was young, he was too afraid of crowds to really get into the fray, and he was too small to control things physically. But in 8th grade he ran track and field and had some success at EHS, and even briefly held a school record in some running event. In 9th grade he played JV tennis for Fordham Prep and at one of the matches a coach came up to me and told me what a natural athlete he was!

Joseph was asked to be the fitness coach at the school in Ndanda. He would take his students (sometimes over a 100 of them we've heard) on 10 to 20 km runs. Last summer we sent basketballs to him, and he started a regular basketball game. He even ran the Kilimanjaro Marathon! He talked about doing triathlons when he came home. In September 2010 Kyle, Ray, Daniel and I did the Nations Triathlon in Washington DC.

In Joe's memory I will be running (very slowly) the Westchester 1/2 marathon on the day of what would have been his 25th birthday. One of my oldest friends, Sarah Coble, will also run it with me. We are doing it to remember Joseph on what would have been a very special day, and to raise money for the scholarship fund. If you would like to support us in our endeavors, please send donations to:

Joseph Lawrence Chow Scholarship Fund
c/0 The Generoso Pope Foundation
1 Depot Square
Tuckahoe, NY 10707

Thanks for your support!

September 22, 2010

Today marks the one year anniversary of the tragic death of Peace Corps Tanzania Volunteer Joseph Chow. Joe died in a rock climbint accident near the village of Mbuji, in the Mbinga District of the Ruvuma rEgion on September 22nd, 2009.
Joe was a graduate of Amherst College in 2007, and was first invited to serve in Peace Corps/Kenya as a math and science teacher. He was sworn in as a volunteer in November and placed in the village of Ndalat to teach chemistry and physics at St. Clement Secondary School. Following the suspension of the Peace Corps/Kenya Program in early 2008, Joseph volunteered to transfer, along with four others, to Tanzania to continue his service as an education volunteer. In February 2008, he ban teaching chemistry at Ndanda Secondary School in Mtwara Region.
Along with teaching chemistry, Joe Chow also chose to teach advanced physics and math. He was active in his community raising HIV/AIDS awareness with an after-school health club for his students, HIV testing and counseling, and a community theatre program. Joe loved atletics - especially swimming, travleing to visit other PCVs, and cooking for himself and friends.
In his 2007 Peace Corps aspiration statement, Joseph wrote that one of the reasons he decided to serve with Peace Corps was because he had never spent a long period of time in a different culture. He hoped to meet the challenge of teaching in a classroom in Africa and understood that the work he faced would be much more difficult than any work he had previously accomplished. Joseph not only adapted to his new surroundings, he flourished. Please join us all at Peace Corps Tanzania in remembering the very rich life and service of Joe Chow and in carrying on his legacy.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

trip to see where Joseph died


Tonight I asked our travel agent, who helped us plan the trip to Tanzania in June of 20o9, to help plan a trip to the hill where Joseph died. I feel that I have to go see the place where he fell, maybe it will help me understand how this disaster could have happened. Ray has been pretty adamant that he is not interested in the details. After a year of sleepless nights, I feel that I have to go.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Shakesperae had an amazing understanding of human emotions

CARDINAL PANDULPH
Lady, you utter madness, and not sorrow.

CONSTANCE
Thou art not holy to belie me so; I am not mad: this hair I tear is mine;My name is Constance; I was Geffrey's wife;

Young Arthur is my son, and he is lost:I am not mad: I would to heaven I were!For then, 'tis like I should forget myself: O, if I could, what grief should I forget! Preach some philosophy to make me mad, And thou shalt be canonized, cardinal; For being not mad but sensible of grief, My reasonable part produces reason How I may be deliver'd of these woes, And teaches me to kill or hang myself: If I were mad, I should forget my son, Or madly think a babe of clouts were he: I am not mad; too well, too well I feelThe different plague of each calamity.

KING PHILIP
Bind up those tresses. O, what love I note In the fair multitude of those her hairs! Where but by chance a silver drop hath fallen, Even to that drop ten thousand wiry friends Do glue themselves in sociable grief, Like true, inseparable, faithful loves, Sticking together in calamity.

CONSTANCE
To England, if you will.

KING PHILIP
Bind up your hairs.

CONSTANCE
Yes, that I will; and wherefore will I do it?I tore them from their bonds and cried aloud' O that these hands could so redeem my son, As they have given these hairs their liberty!' But now I envy at their liberty, And will again commit them to their bonds, Because my poor child is a prisoner. And, father cardinal, I have heard you say That we shall see and know our friends in heaven: If that be true, I shall see my boy again;
For since the birth of Cain, the first male child,To him that did but yesterday suspire, There was not such a gracious creature born. But now will canker-sorrow eat my bud And chase the native beauty from his cheek And he will look as hollow as a ghost, As dim and meagre as an ague's fit, And so he'll die; and, rising so again, When I shall meet him in the court of heavenI shall not know him: therefore never, neverMust I behold my pretty Arthur more.

CARDINAL PANDULPH
You hold too heinous a respect of grief.

CONSTANCE
He talks to me that never had a son.

KING PHILIP
You are as fond of grief as of your child.

CONSTANCE
Grief fills the room up of my absent child, Lies in his bed, walks up and down with me,Puts on his pretty looks, repeats his words,Remembers me of all his gracious parts,Stuffs out his vacant garments with his form;Then, have I reason to be fond of grief? Fare you well: had you such a loss as I, I could give better comfort than you do. I will not keep this form upon my head, When there is such disorder in my wit. O Lord! my boy, my Arthur, my fair son! My life, my joy, my food, my all the world! My widow-comfort, and my sorrows' cure

Thursday, August 12, 2010


One of my friends, Dr. Frank Castellano sent me this poem by Englishman W.H. Auden

To James:

Stop all the clocks; cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone.
Silence the pianos and with a muffled drum,
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle, moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message:
He is dead
Put crepe bows round the white necks of public doves
Let the traffic policeman wear black cotten gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song:
I thought that love would last forever:
I was wrong.

Monday, August 9, 2010

And I still love you

A year ago tonight I was getting ready to go to San Diego for a business trip. Around 3 am we were woken up by a phone call from Joseph (it was about 11 am at Joe's time). Ray was in a panic when he heard Joe's voice, and then he said "Do you know what time it is here", and then Ray said "no, no now that you have woken us what's the problem"?

Joe was worried about unauthorized use of his bank account (which never happened) - the stupid little details we worry about as mere mortals.

I have woken up to the following James Taylor song the last few mornings - and I still love him:
***************************************************************************


Well the sun is surely sinking down, but the moon is slowly rising.
So this old world must still be spinning round and I still love you.

So close your eyes, you can close your eyes, it's all right.
I don't know no love songs and I can't sing the blues anymore.
But I can sing this song and you can sing this song when youre gone.

It won't be long before another day, we gonna have a good time.
And no one's gonna take that time away. You can stay as long as you like.

So close your eyes, you can close your eyes, it's all right.
I don't know no love songs and I can't sing the blues anymore.
But I can sing this song and you can sing this song when I'm gone

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Yankee fan


Joseph loved baseball. He did not play much, only on the Edgemont Rec teams and in his dreams. From the time he was a young boy he wore his Yankee gear with pride. At Fordham, it was a requirement to be a Yankee fan. When the Yankees won the world series the school gave the boys a day off.

When he went to Amherst he really became involved in the math of baseball. Fantasy baseball and statistics were right up his alley to being a sports fan. He did not watch the game very much but he avidly followed the team, play by play, on the computer. He ran two fantasy baseball teams, and talked incessantly about players and stats with his Ray and Kyle. Baseball and swimming. His two sports.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Galapagos


We went to Ecuador to see Kyle who needs to speak Spanish in order to graduate. He is behind on his spoken languages because he took latin and ancient greek in high school. He took a year of Spanish his freshman year, but language got dropped his second year because of Joseph's death.

Immersion Spanish in Ecuador is a great option (if you can afford it). Kyle is definitely fluent in spanish now and he'll take another year of spanish at georgetown.

We flew down to Ecuador to see Kyle in his new environment, and then over to the Galapagos - definitely an experience.

While on the boat, two families asked me, on two different occasions whether we had other children? Who would ask a family if there are other children? Only people who are attuned enough to realize their is something wrong in the family grouping.

It was uncomfortable - how do you reply - do you have any other children? I reply, "Yes, but it is complicated"

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Wisdom has built her house; she has hewn out its seven pillars

At Joseph’s funeral the reading chosen by Father O’Konsky and Kyle was one from the Book of Wisdom (4:7-14):

"But the just man, though he die early, shall be at rest.

For the age that is honorable comes not with the passing of time, nor can it be measured in terms of years.

Rather, understanding is the hoary crown for men, and an unsullied life, the attainment of old age.

He who pleased God was loved; he who lived among sinners was transported--

Snatched away, lest wickedness pervert his mind or deceit beguile his soul;
For the witchery of paltry things obscures what is right and the whirl of desire transforms the innocent mind.

Having become perfect in a short while, he reached the fullness of a long career;

for his soul was pleasing to the LORD, therefore he sped him out of the midst of wickedness. But the people saw and did not understand, nor did they take this into account."

Book of Wisdom (4:7-14)


One definition of Wisdom is

“the ability to perceive or determine what is good, true or sound.”

Every thought Joseph had was judged and analyzed and compared with others; every action was a pursuit of wisdom. Even his physical activities were in pursuit of goodness, or soundness. Joseph was a true intellectual and a striver.

Recently I came upon this poem which was the dedication from T.E. Lawrence’s book “The Seven Pillars of Wisdom”:

To S.A.
I loved you, so I drew these tides of men into my hands
and wrote my will across the sky in stars
To earn you Freedom, the seven-pillared worthy house,
that your eyes might be shining for me
When we came.

Death seemed my servant on the road, till we were near
and saw you waiting:
When you smiled, and in sorrowful envy he outran me
and took you apart:
Into his quietness.

Love, the way-weary, groped to your body, our brief wage
ours for the moment
Before earth’s soft hand explored your shape, and the blind
worms grew fat upon
Your substance.

Men prayed me that I set our work, the inviolate house,
as a memory of you.
But for fit monument I shattered it, unfinished: and now
The little things creep out to patch themselves hovels
in the marred shadow


What are the seven pillars of Wisdom?

The bible quote is:

“Wisdom has built her house; she has hewn out its seven pillars”. The Book of Wisdom never defines the exact nature of the pillars. We all then get to define our own pillars?

To the adventurer T.E. Lawrence, the pillars were seven great Arab cities: Medina, Saudi Arabia; Damascus, Syria; Aleppo, Syria; Istanbul, Turkey (Constantinople); Smyrna (Izmir),Turkey; Cairo, Egypt; Beirut, Lebanon.

Often the Beatitudes are described as eight pillars:

"Blessed are:
The poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven;
They who mourn, for they shall be comforted;
The meek, for they shall inherit the earth;
They who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied;
The merciful, for they shall obtain mercy;
The pure of heart, for they shall see God;
The peacemakers, for they shall be called children of God;
They who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."
Matthew 5:3-10

The Shia and Sunni Muslims have their own pillars (of faith or pray or community); five pillars for each sect:

5 Pillars of Shia Isalm
Monotheism
Day of Judgement
Prophecy
Leadership
Justice


5 Pillars of Sunni Islam
Profession of Faith
Prayers
Fasting
Giving of Alms
Pilgimage

Upon reflection, these are my seven pillars upon which I have built my "house":
1. Family
2. Knowledge
3. Faith
4. Community
5. Determination
6. Honesty
7. Optimism

In the last 7 months, essentially each and every one of my pillars has been destroyed, and I have no firm ground to stand on. Each day is a lesson on how to stand and go forward and I must put all my focus on that lesson.









.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Special event for GST, and GST and Fordham Alumni


This is a fun swim. RSVP and let us know if you can get relays together to do the silly relays (t-shirt swim, etc.) from your childhood!

http://www.greenburghswimteam.com/special-event-on-july-30.php

Joseph Chow was a GST swimmer and coach who died in a tragic accident while working in Tanzania for the Peace Corps. Joe loved swimming and the Greenburgh Swim Team. Joe worked as a lifeguard and coach in Greenburgh from 2001 to 2006. When Joe was our coach in 2006, we won the Division I Championship. Our annual Color Wars Invitational will be a fundraiser for the Joseph Chow Scholarship Fund. Participants in this event will contribute an entry fee of $10. Additional contributions will be gladly accepted. All proceeds will go to the scholarship fund. GST Alumni will also attend. Afterwards, we will have a pizza party with music provided by a DJ. Please read the information about the scholarship fund. For $400, a student can study for a year in Tanzania. Please also read Donna Chow's incredible website about her son Joe. http://mwakaribishwa.blogspot.com/

Saturday, July 3, 2010

My Grandmother


When Joseph was 12 we went to Ellis Island with my mother to see the plaque that she had paid for to commemorate her mother's arrival in the United States.

Leocadie and Maria Gregoire, sound very French, but they too were Irish. Their mother, Katherine Farrel was the oldest of 10 children and raised on a farm north of Dublin. She came first to New York in the 1880's to work as a maid. While in NY she met a French banker, fell in love and moved back to Cailais to live with his family. Unfortunately, her husband died of tb and the French family wanted nothing to do with the poor Irish girl. They offered to keep the children, but not her. She took the girls back to Ireland, and returned to NY to work to get enough money to send for her children. My grandmother, Leocadie and her sister, Marie, came by themselves through Ellis Island. My grandmother told me the story when I was in high school - she was scared but wanted so much to be reunited with her mother.
My grandmother married my grandfather, Esmonde O'Brien and they did quite well. My mother and her siblings grew up in Scarsdale, and all had college educations - the American dream.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Scholarship money



http://www.jiamini.org/
Jiamini is one of the places that we will send money from the scholarship foundation. Can you imagine - for $400/year you can sponsor a student for a full year in Tanzania. We'll sponsor one this year, two next year - plus the US scholarship and two other Tanzanian scholarships this year (one out of pocket, it is not really a scholarship). Another organization near where Joe died is building a library and want to name it after him. We'll send books.

Hopefully, the kids understand the worth of the education.

The students at Joe's school did! They pulled their desks out into the garden, and out under the street lights to study on Saturday nights!

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Killamanjaro


When I was 22 I started to do some serious backpacking with Ray, Sally, David and some other friends. We would spend our free weekends driving from NYC to the White Mountains of New Hampshire to spend time in the mountains. Then, the summer before graduate school, Ray and I spent 3 weeks hiking around the national parks out west. It was fantastic! I had never spent so much time in the outdoors, just walking and fishing and hiking.

Ray left at the end of that summer to visit his sister in the Phillipines (she was a Peace Corp worker and Ray and his brothers spent two weeks visiting her there). I went to San Francisco to visit my friend Lee, and at the last minute she asked if I wanted to go with her family to hike up Mt. Whitney, the tallest mountain in the mainland US. I was in great shape, and felt great walking up that mountain. My ego was a little hurt by the tv cameramen who were following the 80 something year old woman who was doing her yearly hike up the mountain; but it was reinforced by the physicall ailments of the young, athletic men (who had not acclimated themselves to the mountains) and threw up on the top of the mountain!

Ooh can you feel the same
Ooh ya gotta love the pain
Ooh it looks like rain again
Yeah feel it comin' in
The mountains win again
--Blues Traveler--

After that summer, graduate school began, I married Ray, Joseph was born, mortgages came rapidly. I loved all that came after, but that summer and that trip to Mt. Whitney were the end of an era in my life.

I always had vague plans to hike Killamanjaro, and trek around Mt. Everest. We have done some excellent hikes with the boys, especially in the last few years when they could carry all the weight!

When Joseph got his posting to Kenya we started planning the boys trip up Killamanjaro - we thought it would be a great bonding experience for them, and something they could always reminisce about as they got older. We were worried because one of our friends had climbed Killamanjaro with his family in the early 90's and one of their guides slipped on the ice and fell to his death. We gave the boys instructions and told them to be careful, but as we dropped them off with their guides we were so excited for them.

Of course all this travel is expensive, but we thought we were giving the boys an education and a world view. We don't spend alot of money on expensive cars or other consumer goods. Life is not about branding opportunities, it is about working hard (physically and mentally) and achieving goals that you might think are impossible.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Joseph's namesake - Grandpa Joe


In April I went to California for work and went up to San Francisco to spend the weekend with Ray's family. Ray had flown out in the middle of the week to spend time with his mom.

Saturday we all took the ferry out to Angel Island. Angel Island is where the undesirable asian immigrants were sent during the early part of the 20th century. Kind of like Ellis Island but much more servere. Joe Chow, Ray's dad and Joe's mom. arrived at Angel Island around 1930, when Joe was around 6 (maybe 4?). Hid dad had come to the US earlier, and then sent for his wife and son. The US did not really want a six y.o. and a young woman; but eventually they let them in. Unfortunatley, Joe's mom had diabetes, and died when he was still a kid. Joe had some colorful stories about helping his dad in the restaurant business - he owned a Chinese take out joint right across the entrance from a major auto plant in Detroit.

Joe went on to be in the top of his public high school class, went to Michigan State, and University of Michigan. His profession was a nuclear metallurgist, and his career was at Brookhaven National Labs; to make money he imported sails from China. Not a dumb guy.

The US in 1946 tried to deport Joe because he was Chinese. This is what is wrong with our immigration policy. The US wanted to deport a great, personable, intelligent, talented, wonderful guy who only wanted to raise his kids and contribute to society. Because he had asian features the US wanted to send him to Communist China - where he was basically illiterate- because he was an educated American. Today we do that with other classes of immigrants.

Joe's metallurgical research was on nuclear containment - I have searched his patents.Aside from being extermely intelligent, and very charming, he was a great dad and family man. When I met Joe, I knew that Ray was the man that I wanted to marry.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

June 12, 2009




Our last day in the Serengeti. Modi had determined that we probably would see no more animals so he suggested that we to go to Lake Victoria. We drove out of the park onto a highway that is a major truck route on the western edge of Tanzania. There is an airport that recieves foreign travelers who are going to do a west to east trip thru the Serengeti. One enterprising village has set up a tourist attraction. For a small fee they have a villager (a young man who has had his high school fees paid for by the village) who gives a lecture (in English) about Lake Victoria and the history of the village. The village leaders have used the money to build a brick elementary school and a clinic. The government has promised them a doctor if they build the clinic. The village guide – he was also the teacher- explained that the clinic is to primarily treat pregnant woman. Tanzania is having a population explosion but many of the mothers are dying in childbirth. The villagers understand that they need their woman and that the female is an important part of their lives.

After the lecture, and also included in the price of the tour, we went on a canoe fishing trip on Lake Victoria with the villagers paddling. This is not their commercial procedure, but it was great to be out on Lake Victoria I felt like I was in a National Geographic special!

When the guide had asked where we were from we said NY, but Joseph told him Ndanda. And then he started speaking with him in Swahili. The guide was so impressed that he gave us a a private tour of the village, and introduced Joseph to various villagers. We saw first hand just how big a population boom there is. As soon as we were into the village streets we were overwhelmed by a pack of children, all of whom wanted to claim each of us as their own! They would grab our hands, and if another child tried to displace them there would be a fist fight. No balls to play with, no toys and not enough adults to teach or spend time with them.

Joseph saw a group of women hanging out under a tree in the shade, and went over to them. He squatted down to exchange greetings, and they were flirting and laughing with them. Joe told us that he was telling them his story, and exchanging vocabulary in their dialect with them. What does this mean, what does that mean, that sort of thing. It was such a memorable interaction, everyone was enoying the visit.

In advance of the migration, The National Park service was selectively burning the plain, and especially around our tent camp. The fields on either side of the dirt road were burnt. A bull elephant was coming down the road towards us and Modi had a stand off with him. We were all nervous, but knew deep down that Joseph was safe and happy and as the Peace Corp said in his obituary, “thriving.” We could hardly wait until November for him to come home.

Monday, June 14, 2010

June 11, 2009

We had driven to the entire western edge of the Serengeti, but had outdriven the animals. The main herds were still a couple of days behind us, and we had spent the two days before driving around looking at a few stray herds. Our accomadations were amazing - another tent village- the view of the plains were spectacular. Very reminiscent of Jurassic Park which was the boys favorite movie when they were kids. They would spend hours and hours in the playroom reenacting every scene from the movie. Joseph was a dinosaur boy, he would talk and read and discuss the dinosaurs all the time. His fashion sense from the age of 1 to 5 was based on dinosaurs.

We spent the evenings hanging out at the restaurant talking and joking. The Masai warriors escorted us back and forth to our tents. On the way back one night Joseph saw a stream of “army” ants. He squatted down in excitement to show us what would happen when you disturbed the column of ants; they would spread out in disarray around the disturbance but soon would regroup into a column. We played with them for a while. The next night they got us back. In the dark we walked right into a column of the ants. They climbed up my pant legs and I had to run back to the tent to get changed as soon as possible. I tried to wash my clothes and drown the ants. The next morning when the clothes were dry the dead ants were still lockjawed onto the material and I had to pick them off one by one.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010


The right and the Tea Party think they own our national anthem and can define who is an American. We have an American triangle flag (as did my father), a letter from the United States President and several senators, and the national anthem was played as my sons casket left the church. There are many ways to define service to your country and not all of them involve guns.

Monday, June 7, 2010

One Year Ago


This has been a very hard week. A year ago we were all together as a family for the last time. It was so fantastic to be with our boy and get to see how comfortable he had become in a totally foriegn world. His swahili was terrific, he knew how to get around, and he was so happy to show us all of his world. Last year on June 7 we were on the safari. We had spent the day on the Serengeti seein animals. All three boys always loved the animals. When they were little I would take them for trips to the Bronx Zoo and the Museum of Natural History (Joseph's favorite place!). We would go with my mom to the zoo early in the morning before they were in school. It was always cool, and sleepy, and the best time to see the animals, I remember the first time I heard lions roar at the zoo.

In Africa last year we got to our very high end tent camp, and had to be escorted around the camp because of the wildlife. Ray and I had one tent, Daniel and Joe another, and Kyle was by himself. That night we woke up to the noise of a lion roaring, the guides told us the next morning that the lion was scoping out territory and was about a hundred feet from Kyle's tent. What a sound!

When we lived at 49 Lynwood, the boys would play safari in the toy room - they would put paper masks on backwards, because they had heard that the animals would be afraid if they thought that you could see them, so if you had eyes on both sides of your head no animal would approach you. They spent alot of time in that toy room making up stories!

Friday, June 4, 2010

The Robertson Ancestors




A couple of years ago, Cadie did a lot of work on my fathers' family tree. Growing up, my dad was the lawyer for the family so he was the one with knowledge of the first second and third cousins.(He was also a reservist for the Coast Guard, the Lieutenant Commander of the New Rochelle Coast Guard Station by the time he retired - a busy guy!) He also used to talk about visiting a cousin in Leyden Mass. in the summer on a family farm. This is Cadie's research. Joseph Lawrence Hai-Sung Chow was not only of Irish and Chinese descent, but the research leads to a tenuous link to the Mayflower.

Leyden is not too far from Amherst, Joe always thought that if we had a free afternoon we could try to find it - we never had that free afternoon
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The “Robertson Boys of Leyden”

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Chas Lon John Jas Alb Ros Ed + 3 girls = 10


Among our family’s mysteries, none is more tantalizing then the story presented by this picture, which came to us captioned as above. To those brought up in the 1970’s it looks more like a Virginia Slims commercial than a family heirloom!
Who were these guys and how are we related to them? We remember being young children and told that our grandparents, Bill and Barbara Robertson, stopped in Leyden, Massachusetts to visit Ray Robertson on their way to Rangeley, Maine each summer. There are pictures, like the one here, of my father (Lawrence Bennett Robertson) and uncle (William Osborne Robertson, Jr.) as young boys with their father. The back of this photo says it was taken in July 1929 at the “Robertson Homestead” and I was told by my father that was Leyden.
Exactly where is Leyden? The technical answer is northwestern Massachusetts, but for those of my generation who have tried to find it the real answer is the next hill over from Brigadoon! Tucked into the rocky terrain of New England hillside, encompasses just about 18 square miles. Its population in 1790 was 998 , in 1874 was 519, in 2000 was 772. It took Leyden as its name (after Leiden, Holland, temporary home of the Pilgrims before coming to America) when 1809, on Washington's Birthday, the District of Leyden, prior to that part of Bernardston, became the Town of Leyden. Leyden was a remote and apparently hard place to live one hundred and fifty years ago, and even today s it is still pretty inaccessible. Why were there Robertsons there? My father’s explanation was that the first Robertsons to settle up there were horse thieves looking for a good place to hide. Given the strong puritanical thread running through the Robertsons we do know, this seems unlikely.
To add to the mystery of Leyden we heard stories growing up that a Robertson had been so displeased to be told he would benefit from his civil war pension (another clue that we are related!) that he gave it over to the town of Leyden on the condition that they build a library with it. Today at the intersection of the two central roads in Leyden, Greenville Road and West Leyden Road, there are four buildings: the town hall, the general store, the Methodist Church and the Robertson Memorial Library.
The Robertson Memorial Library is a small wood frame building, perhaps 15 feet by 15 feet which sits perched precariously on the edge of an incline across the street from the Town Hall. As can be seen in the picture with my brother, Mark Robertson and my son, JB Welling, beneath the doorway is engraved “Robertson Library 1913”.

Inside the one room structure and next to the stone fireplace is a picture of the man who made it possible, James. R. Robertson (per the label on the picture) .
According to the Leyden history, the library was dedicated to Mr. Robertson’s parents, Roswell and Mary (Wheeler) Robertson. Looking at him and the family resemblance there can be little doubt that we are his descendants. But how?

In February of 2002, I visited the Town Hall in Leyden and was allowed to wade through their records. It seemed that perhaps the father of the “Robertson Boys” was William Robertson, referred to in the Leyden town records as born in Brattleboro, Vermont. His wife had a somewhat less common name, Mary Eliza Martin. In a burst of optimism I searched on the internet for “’William Robertson’ Brattleboro” and to my utter amazement the whole family unit popped out – William, Mary, 7 boys (with the same names as in the caption of the photo) and three girls, with names of their own (not only that but the marriages of two of the girls, Martha and Julia were recorded in the Leyden town records!) The Shelby Site (http://jrshelby.com/rfotw/seaver_e.txt) lists the names:

236 WILLIAM ROBERTSON: June 14, 1811; m. July 7, 1834, Mary Eliza Martin (b. Dec. 8, 1811). Ch.: Edward Wm. (July 16, 1835), Harriet E.(Apr. 30, 1837), Roswell B. (July 6, 1838), Martha Cutting (Sept. 10,1840), Albert Russell (below), James Polk (Nov. 29, 1844), John Henry (Aug. 17, 1846), Alonzo Madison (Aug. 7, 1848), Charles Herbert (Nov.25, 1850), Julia Jeanette (July 16, 1853).
Albert Russell: b. Guilford, Vt., Nov. 19, 1842; m. July 3, 1864,
Ann Riddell.
(A) William Gaun: b. June 18, 1865; Mar. 1, 1903; Cong.; Mason; served Civil War.
(B) LeRoy Albert: Nov. 1, 1879, Winooski, Va.; Jul. 12, 1880.
(C) Grace M.: Winooski, Vt., June 14, 1881; Epis.; (BB); r. 24
Grant St., Burlington, VT

Well, Shelby got the research headed in the right direction, but was not completely accurate. For instance, without even opening a web page it is clear that Albert Russell’s son, born in 1865 did not fight in the Civil War! But it turns out Albert did; he and his brother James (then 20 and 18) enlisted as privates in the 52nd Regiment of Massachusetts Volunteers in September of 1862. They served during the siege of Port Hudson, Louisiana, a battle that secured the Mississippi which struck a fatal blow to the South. Two years later, John Henry joined up when he turned 18 and also fought in Louisiana. More on that in their individual biographies.

William Robertson (1811-1891) Before Marriage & Other William Robertsons

William Robertson was born in Brattleboro, VT about June 16, 1811. His father, William was also born in Brattleboro and his mother, Tamar Barton was born in Petersham, Massachusetts. William and Tamar were married in Brattleboro on June 23, 1810. Upon the death of William & Mary Eliza’s son Roswell, a paper reported (presumably on information provided by the family) that “He was of Scotch ancestry, his (Roswell’s) great grandfather and grandfather being pioneers in early New England communities.”
This brings up two points. First, though the picture was titled “The Robertson Boys of Leyden” it is clear on reflection that Leyden should not be considered the exclusive location of these folks, either as a family unit or individually. Leyden is very close to the Vermont-Massachusetts border; Brattleboro is just 11 miles away. Chesterfield, NH, just over the Vermont- New Hampshire is just 10 miles from Brattleboro. New York is about 40 miles to the west. To complicate matters, the borders moved a few times, particularly in the mid 1700’s courtesy of the royal governors of New Hampshire and New York . All of which speaks to the fact that one has to keep an open mind as to where the family might be at any given time. Having said that much of the activity in this part of the world took place in Franklin County, MA and Windham County, Vermont.
The second point is that there are a number of Robertson families in the Vermont area in the early nineteenth century, though perhaps less than one might expect. A review of the genealogical websites shows a marked tendency for Robertsons to settle in the South.
There were however, three noted Robertson’s who were involved in paper making in the lower Vermont area. William Robertson (1793-1868), son of George Robertson of Aberdeen Scotland, manufactured paper in Putney, VT as well as Hinsdale, NH. He married Christiana Ross (1793-1867) in Scotland and they settled eventually in Hinsdale NH. They had 3 girls and 4 boys, including John Robertson (1824-1898). He was born in Halifax Nova Scotia where his parents lived for three years after emigrating from Scotland and before moving to Putney VT . He started out paper making with a brother, eventually founded the Robertson Paper Company which remained in business until 1987. The site of the Robertson Paper Mill in Windham county Vermont is on the National Register of Historic Places. This family does not seem to be related to the Leyden family.
Captain William Robertson (1822-) was born in Harford, CT to George Robertson and Margaret Benson. He also settled in Putney VT and engaged in papermaking. One source states he was a cousin of John Robertson, above, but no details are available. He married and had three children, but does not seem directly related to the Leyden family either.
Another nearby family with a William is that of Archibald Robertson (1708-1803) who came from Scotland with his wife, Elizabeth Watson, and three children as dissenters from the Church of Scotland. They had three children. James (1741-1830) fought in the Revolution and settled in Chesterfield , NH. The sources tell us the names of James’s 14 children, none of whom were William and the only one similar to our family is a James. One of his grandsons, Noyes Robertson (1818) was a prominent citizen of Keene, NH. John settled in Charleston, NH.
Archibald’s third son, William (b 1750 Scotland- d 1841 Brattleboro), married Mary Swan and had 4 sons and 2 daughters. One of his sons, John (b 6/26/1778 in Brattleboro) married a Polly Clendenin December 27, 1779 and they had five children. Given the dates, none are our family directly, but the names make you wonder about the connection: Roswell (1799-1873), Betsey (1801- ), John (1805-) Russell (1807-1880) and Richardson (1809- 1882).
The Brattleboro Town records show another Archibald Robertson (with no indication he is related to the Archibald above), married to Polly, who had nine children, the second of which is named William, born Aug 9, 1797 at Hinsdale, NH . Though this is close, the censuses and death records for “our’ William consistently have him born in1810-11 in Brattleboro. This means this William is too old to be our guy and too young to be his father.
The 1840 US Census, which just ticked off ages and gender for other than the head of the household, shows a William Robertson living in Dummerston, VT (less than 4 miles to Brattleboro). There is a veteran in the household, 89 year old William Robertson (identified on a schedule – actually there are 3 versions but it all seems to be the same – on two he is identified as W M Robertson, but I think the census taker just misread the shorthand “Wm”. ) The household consisted of a man and woman between 80-90; ticks of the right ages to be William & Mary (20-30) Edward William, 5-10, Harriett under 5 and Roswell under 5. There are two other males- between 15-20 and 60-70 and a woman between 50-60. Perhaps William & Mary Eliza were living with William’s parents and grandparents. The numbers fit, but there is no other evidence. In several family trees on Ancestry.com there is a profile of a “William Robertson” born Sept 8, 1750 Edinburgh, Midlothian, Scotland, died April 18411, Dummerston, Windham Vermont”. That is virtually all the information, but it would be consistent with the 89 year old veteran in 1840 and with the comment in Roswell’s obituary that his father’s family was Scotch.
Finally there are a few “William Robertson” sightings not connected specifically to a family. A William Robertson, b 1765, married Nancy Shepardson on June 19, 1794 probably in Guilford, VT where her father had been a captain during the Revolutionary War and was very active in the town. Nancy’s father, Stephen Shepardson, descended from Daniel Shepardson who arrived from England in 1628-29 and whose progeny settled in the Attleboro/Rehoboth area then eventually in Guilford VT. As we shall see Mary Eliza Martin’s family followed the same path. Unfortunately, though proximate and of an age where he could be our William’s father, the Leyden town records are pretty clear William’s mother’s name was Tamar Barton.
An amusing reference to “William Robertson” in Brattleboro is this clipping from The Brattleboro Messenger from May 1822. So much for the horse thief!
A note on a probable explanation for why William Robertson is such a popular name. There was a renowned Scottish academic, William Robertson (1721-1793). He was born at Midlothian, Scotland and educated at the University of Edinburg where he studied divinity. He became Royal Chaplain to George III (1761), Principal of the University of Edinburgh (1762), Moderator of the General Assembly of the Church of Scotland in 1763, and Royal Historiographer in 1764. His most notable work was perhaps his History of Scotland 1542 - 1603 which was first published in 1759. He was a significant figure in the Scottish Enlightenment and also of the moderates in the Church of Scotland. This portrait of him hangs in the Metropolitan Museum of Art.
There are a couple of more Robertsons to discuss. As we will see later at the time of 1850 US Census William and Mary Eliza were living in Westminster, VT with the eight children alive at that time. Their name is incorrectly listed as “Robinson.” Interestingly the next household is headed by George “Robinson”, age 26 born in Vermont, his wife Margaret, age 27 and children, Alice and George A. In 1860 George W. Robertson, age 36, born in Vermont with wife Mary (not too fine a difference), age 37 and their five children (including 12 year old Alice, but no George) are living in Northampton MA with six young men identified as “mechanics” including RB Robertson, age 21, born in Vermont. Roswell B. Robertson, who would have been 21 at the time of the census, has not otherwise been found in a census and his obituary said he had lived in Northampton. One of the other boys is Dennis Burton (or perhaps Barton?) age 22. Next door to George in 1860 is a Russell Robertson, 45 born in Vermont with his wife Elvira and four kids. In 1870 George W, 46 born in VT, Margaret, and the same four kids are living in Springfield, MA another town Roswell was said to have worked in. Russell & Elvira are also in Springfield, MA in 1870. It seems reasonable to conclude that George and Russell are related to William, but presently, except as stated above there is no evidence to support it.
Mary Eliza Martin (1811-1894) and The Martin Family
Mary Eliza Martin was born Dec 8, 1811 in Guilford, VT to Edward Martin and his wife, Mary Goodwin. Unlike the Robertson family, Mary Eliza’s ancestors are well documented. In 1880 a gentleman named Henry J. Martin published “Notices: Genealogical and Historical of the Martin Family of New England” referred to henceforth as the Martin Genealogy. He relied on an earlier work prepared by a Wheeler Martin in 1816 .
For the period before the 1670’s the picture is not dissimilar to the speculation on the Robertsons above- stories of the Martin family of Compton Martin, Somersetshire England, allegedly founded by Martin de Tours in his conquest of Pembroke about 1077. Martin’s sister is reputed to be the mother of St Patrick of Ireland.
According to the Martin Genealogy, several generations later, on March 20 1635 a Robert Martin and his wife Johanna, both 44, set sail with Rev. Joseph Hull from Weymouth, Dorset, England to Weymouth, New England. Robert and Johanna stayed at Weymouth for a bit, then in the mid 1640’s they became among the first settlers of Rehoboth, where Robert became one of the leading men, serving as “townsman” and constable. Robert’s brother Richard came to New England about 1663 with his son John and by 1669 was in Rehoboth. Alternatively, the Willard Family Tree says that John was born in 1634 at Ottery, St Mary, Devon, England and that his father’s name was Edward.
The two sources agree that John Martin married Johanna Esten and the family settled in Rehoboth, MA. They had five boys and four girls and the third son was named Ephraim who was born on February 7, 1676. Ephraim stayed in Rehoboth, settling on a farm and he married Thankful Bullock in 1699. They had four boys and either seven or eight girls. Their eldest son, Edward was born October 22, 1700. He too stayed in Rehoboth and farmed. He married twice, first on November 8, 1722, to Rebekah Peck who was also born and raised in Rehoboth. She died on April 14, 1731, leaving her husband with three daughters (ages 2-6) and a son, Silvanus. On January 19, 1732 Edward married Martha Washburn of Bridgewater, MA. They had one daughter. He died June 2, 1745.
Silvanus Martin was born on July 1, 1727. On February 20, 1746 he married Martha Wheeler, the eldest daughter of Colonel Philip and Martha (ne Salisbury) Wheeler, who had also been born in Rehoboth, on November 1, 1727. Once Massachusetts declared itself independent of Britain, Silvanus was appointed as head of a militia company (and henceforth was called Captain Silvanus Martin). He also served as a justice of the peace, a member of the “Committee of Safety” and a selectman in the town of Rehoboth. In 1776 Silvanus commanded a company under General Spencer against the British on Rhode Island and helped drive British ships from Bristol Harbor which is described more fully by Judge Wheeler Martin in his 1816 work . Silvanus died on August 13, 1782 and a copy of his will is in the Martin Genealogy , giving his widow, Martha, use of the lands and his personal property “for so long as she shall remain my widow”. To his minor unmarried daughters he directs that they receive, when they turn 18 or marry, property “of equal sorts & value as I have given to my other daughter, Hopestill” which was inventoried in his records as well as to all of the surviving children “one bible & one watts psalm book and one large silver spoon” ! In addition to the books and spoons, his “eight sons now surviving “, split everything the balance of the estate.
Martha Wheeler Martin survived until March 6, 1819 when she was 92. Her obituary says she left six sons, two daughters, 80 grand children, 90 grand children’s children and two great grand children’s children to mourn her departure from earth” Her family







William Robertson and Mary Eliza Martin were in fact married on July 7, 1834 in Brattleboro, Vermont.
Much subsequent research indicates William and Mary’s children were born in Vermont although exactly where is uncertain. My comment about the Robertson’s puritanical bent, written several months before doing this research, seems prescient, as there are indications that Mary Eliza. Martin’s ancestors were Puritans!

Monday, May 31, 2010

Wedding

Yesterday we went to the wedding of Julia and Adam. Adam was among Joe's best friends at Amherst. Adam grew up in Westchester and knew two of Joe's cousins in high school. He also swam in Westchester and actually been recruited to swim at Amherst; Joe was a walk on.

The first day of freshman orientation at Amherst Joseph and I were sitting in the local bank waiting to set up an account. Joe was 17 so he needed me to sign off on everything. We happened to sit down directly across from Adam, who looked up at us and said "Hey, you must be Joe Chow!" -and luckily for him it was Joe Chow. From then on Joe and Adam spent alot of time together, and I am sure did alot of talking together. Adam was a Physics major, Joe a chem major. They both swam and played water polo. Two of a kind.

Yesterday, we attended Adam's wedding to Julia. Last year when Adam and Julia became engaged, Joseph called us - he was so excited that one of his friends was actually taking the leap into adulthood! And, Adam had asked Joseph to be a Chupah bearer and Joe had no idea what that entailed! He was so honored to be asked to be in the wedding party. Also, Joseph had had a lot of time to think about relationships and love, and determined that Adam and Julia had a great relationship, and it was something that he should aspire to - if only he could figure out how to start on one! (he was always one to think of the mind over emotions).

Yesterday, Ray and I sat in Glen Island in Joe's place and I have to say it was possibly one of the hardest days of my life. It was a beautiful day, the wedding ceremony was beautiful, and the party following was wonderful. But to be there without my boy is nearly impossible, he should have been there,not us. All of his friends are doing well, and we spent some time talking with all of them. There is the uncertainty of being that age - but what they should take home from Joe is that life is short, enjoy the here and now, because plans do not always come to fruition.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Joseph Senior Year High School


I went out the other night with a bunch of moms who have children in their senior year of high school. Once the kids are into college, high school is done and the kids basically have a great six months. Daniel told me during his freshman year in college that he did not understand why everyone thought college was so great - in his last year of high school there was no responsibility, some interesting classes, and lots of time to hang out with your buddies - plus the the home cooking was excellent, and the laundry was done for you. What could be better?

After Joseph got into Amherst in December he pushed himself even harder at swimming. That spring he had to write a paper or do an internship after the AP's were over because there were no more classes for the month. I remember coming in to the kitchen one morning to get breakfast, and Joseph was hanging out getting ready for a late day at the Prep. He told me that he wanted to write his senior paper on the influence of politics during the Romantic era on the composers of the time. I just looked at him, sputtered out that that would be a great idea (it would certainly keep him busy for the next month) - and went to work. Some kids have big plans and ideas!

Friday, May 28, 2010

Joseph Fordham Graduation



This is graduation season. A year ago this weekend we were up at Middlebury for Daniel's graduation. Three years ago we were at Amherst for Joe's. Then there have been the high school graduations, the grammar school graduations, the nursery school graduations. I used to think that they were just days with little meaning. But now I look at the pictures, we were so full of pride, and so were the boys. So happy, and so forward looking. All their lives in front of them.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Joseph is going to Kenya

Kyle came home from school on Sunday. Tonight there are 20 kids are out on the patio with a bonfire, hanging out and talking (loudly!!) basically having a great time. The noise is nice. Kyle is leaving for Ecuador on Thursday for a Spanish immersion program.
The weekend before Joseph left for Africa he wrote an email with the heading "Joseph is going to Kenya", and invited his friends to come for a bbq and bonfire in the back yard. It was a nice night, like tonight.
Being a parent of around 20 year olds is hard.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Numbers 6:22-27


May the Lord bless you and keep you.
May the Lord shine his face upon you and favor you.
May the Lord lift up his face toward you and grant you peace.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Joseph Lawrence Chow Scholarship



Last night Kyle handed out the first Joseph Lawrence Chow Scholarship at an awards ceremony. Daniel was at the ceremony also, Ray and I could not attend. There were 11 applicants, all of them with amazing recommendations, grades and activities -it was a hard choice to select one for the scholarship. Great kids. This was the descripiton of Joseph that was sent with the scholarship.
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This scholarship is established to honor the life of Joseph Lawrence Hai-Sung Chow by helping students who share his values and passions. Joseph died at 23 in a sudden and tragic accident which cut short a life full of promise.

Joseph was a graduate of Fordham Prep and Amherst College. He planned to attend medical school when he returned home. He was in the final weeks of a two year tour with the Peace Corps of Tanzania where he was the only math and science teacher. The plan was for him to teach only Chemistry (he had no teacher training at all). When he got to his school there was no one to teach advanced math or physics and a demand for it, so he volunteered to teach those classes. too. He won an award from the Tanzanian Govenrment for the tremendous improvement in his schools performance in science.

Joseph was an accomplished musician, praciticing either classical piaon or organ for at least an hour a day. He swam competitively most of his life, as a varsity athlete all four years at Fordham Prep and at Amherst. He was a starter on the Amherst water polo team. He was not able to continue swimming competitively in Africa, so he took up running. He ran to Mt. Killamanjaro marathon, passing many other Peace Corps volunteers who had run for years. When Joseph decided to do something he gave it his whole heart and mind, whether it was something God had given him natural talent for, like the piano, or something he had to work at, like running. As one of his Amherst firends wrote: "... although he was never the fastest swimmer, he was far and away the most determined. He was a unifying force on the team and his dedication was a critical part of the team's success. Joe's enthusiasim was ubiquitous; he always gave 110% and drove everyone else to do the same."

According to his application to the Peace Corps his goals were to experience another cutlure and to make a difference. Within two years he had taught himself Swahili. He started an HIV/AIDS awareness club and ran fundraisers. When his family visited he proudly showed them around his village where he was greeted by his neighbors. Then he went with his brothers and climbed to the highest peak on the continent, Mt. Killamanjaro. The Peace Corps in their press release wrote that "Joseph not only adapted to his new surroundings, he flourished."

Jospeh's desire to serve was nurtured by his family, his schooling and his faith. All were fundamental to who he was. The overwhelming oupouring of affection and respect that followed Joseph's death was awe inspiring. And this scholarship is a concrete example of that outpourng since it is funded by donations "in lieu of flowers" that were made by more than 350 people. We hope that the recipeints will understand that this benefit results directly from who Joseph was and that they will stirve to be like him.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Classical Music


This week was exhausting, counseling, work dinner, ballet tickets and philharmonic. It is good to be busy, but that might have been too busy. We had already rearranged the philharmonic once, and were stuck with the revision.

When we were first married Ray and I kept Ruby's and Joe's seats at the NY Philharmonic - second row center. The best concert I have ever seen (of all genre's) was a performance of "Appalachian Spring" and at the end of the piece Aaron Copeland stood up from his seat in the wings of the hall and took a bow. The audience went crazy. Not quite a Grateful Dead moment (I did go to a concert of theirs in the Meadowlands)- but a great performance.

I only started going to the New York City ballet a couple of years ago - 2006. I go with a group of 8-12 other women, and it is a lot of fun. I thought that when Joe came home I would treat him to a ballet. I don't know if he would like the dance so much, but he would love the music. The music is always the best of classical pieces -piano pieces are very popular to dance to. For that reason, the two ballets that I have been to since Joe died have been hard. Especially the one on Thursday night. The first dance was to Bachs inventions, the second was to a Bach Baroque piece. Joe loved the Inventions, and played them incessantly. He chose the organ because he believed that Bach sounded so much better on the organ. It is hard to sit in the audience at a ballet weeping.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

The Catcher In the Rye

For the April book club this year we read "The Catcher in the Rye" by JD Salinger. We had read Joyce Maynard's "At Home In The World", so when Salinger died in January the book was a natural choice.

I must have bought four copies of that book for the boys over the years, and yet not one remains in the house. I had to borrow it from the library. I read the book once before, when I was in 7th grade. As I remembered, it was about a teenage boy who did not seem to be connected; it was a story of adolescent angst, confusion and rebellion. It made me feel uncomfortable when I was 13, and I did not have a fondness for the book.

I was a voracious reader when I was young, but I often did not understand what I was reading. And looking at the many online reviews of The Catcher in the Rye, I realize that many people reading this book are also clueless as to what the book is about. True Holden is a disaffected, wayward youth, with no direction and no growth demonstrated as a result of his adventures. He is dissolute and rambling, not really understanding his motivations, nor acting on his life. He reacts. He is in the world, but not part of it. No adult is there to guide him and he is lost. At the end of the book, he has an emotional breakdown.

The key point that I had missed about the book when I was 13 is that Holden had a brother who had died. From that point, Holden is lost. He never grows or matures, never moves forward, he is lost in memories and emotions that get tangled up in his adolescent biological growth. He is a shadow moving through his life, flitting from moment to moment. And his dream is to become a "catcher in the rye"; the person who catches innocent children from falling off a cliff. If only he could have caught his brother who wrote poetry in his baseball mitt.

Tellingly, the adults in Holden's life are ineffectual (the professor) or not available (his parents). The parents send him to schools, and do not really inquire about his activities or progress at the schools. His younger sister is left home with the servants. They are not there. His parents too are living in shock they have disappeared from the emotional neediness of their children.

I could not go to book club to discuss the book, the emotions I have are too close to the surface. This book felt honest to me - the emotions of disembodiment and angst and hopelessness, they are the emotions of grief.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Highwayman Lyrics

I was a highwayman. Along the coach roads I did ride
With sword and pistol by my side
Many a young maid lost her baubles to my trade
Many a soldier shed his lifeblood on my blade
The bastards hung me in the spring of twenty-five
But I am still alive.

I was a sailor. I was born upon the tide
And with the sea I did abide.
I sailed a schooner round the Horn to Mexico
I went aloft and furled the mainsail in a blow
And when the yards broke off they said that I got killed
But I am living still.

I was a dam builder across the river deep and wide
Where steel and water did collide
A place called Boulder on the wild Colorado
I slipped and fell into the wet concrete below
They buried me in that great tomb that knows no sound
But I am still around..I'll always be around..and around and around and
around and around

I fly a starship across the Universe divide
And when I reach the other side
I'll find a place to rest my spirit if I can
Perhaps I may become a highwayman again
Or I may simply be a single drop of rain
But I will remain
And I'll be back again, and again and again and again and again..

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Fordham Prep


In 2004, 14 of the Chow family went to China for a tour. Ruby wanted to show her children and grandchildren the landmarks of her childhood. We flew into Beijing, then Hangzhou to view the West Lake, a very historical site in China. It was the end of a heat wave, and there were masses of tourists. From there we drove to the Yellow Mountains, which were picture beautiful, but the Chinese tourist crowds were so thick that it was like 5th Avenue at Christmas time. We left early - after getting some beautiful pictures.

From the mountains we flew to Shanghai, which is where Ruby had grown up. We tried to find her mother's old house in the French quarter, but Shanghai was growing rapidly, there was construction all over, and the house site was now a shopping plaza. Then we went to see Ruby's old school, the McTyeire School (now Shanghai No. 3 School for girls). This is a very exclusive school in the heart of Shanghai, with a long history of providing a western education to the daughters of the Chinese elite. It is a beautiful green campus in the middle of a very large urban landscape, reminiscent of Fordham University in the Bronx. As we stood in this oasis in the middle of Shanghai, 14 year old Kyle announced that he had changed his mind about his high school, and he would like to attend Fordham Prep that Fall. We had another week traveling around China, and then we flew home through San Francisco. As we pulled up to our gate in San Francisco, Joseph turned on his cell phone and called the admissions director at Fordham to let him know that Kyle would accept their offer (a few months past some important deadlines); Joseph also determined Kyle's freshman year schedule, and his teachers that day on the tarmac. Ray and I had nothing left to do but to pay the check!

Joseph was so pleased that his younger brother was following his path to a Jesuit education, and so proud that he was a role model for Kyle.

Friday, April 30, 2010

May the road rise to meet you.
May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face.
May the rains fall soft upon your fields
and until we meet again, May God hold you in the palm of his hand.

Amen